Monica Moments

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Monica Moments-Funny quotes Courteney's 'Friends' character, Monica, has said: RACHEL:(to Ross): No, this isn't about the movie, this is about you stealing my wind. MONICA: (excitedly) You go girl!!!!!(turns to Phoebe) I can't pull that off can I? MONICA: This picture is supposed to say "Geller and Bing to be Married," not "Local Woman Saves Drowning Moron! MONICA: I'm Monica, I'm disgusting. I stalk guys and keep their underpants. MONICA: Fine! Judge all you want to but, (points to Ross) married a lesbian, (points to Rachel) left a man at the altar, (points to Phoebe) fell in love with a gay ice dancer, (points to Joey) threw a girl's wooden leg in a fire, (points to Chandler) live in a box!! PHOEBE: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute. MONICA: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two? Chandler: You'll get one. MONICA: Oh yeah? When? CHANDLER: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one? MONICA: Why won't I be married when I'm 40? CHANDLER: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically. MONICA: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40? CHANDLER: No, no, no. MONICA: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me? CHANDLER: (trapped) Uh, uh. Monica: Well? CHANDLER: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in) MONICA: Look Rachel, someone gave you shoes. RACHEL: Oh, give me! (opens box and out comes rats) MONICA: So, this is what a stroke feels like. MONICA: Look, Chandler, I don't want to be one of those wives who says, "You can't go to the game, you have to stay home with me." So, if you could just figure it out on your own.......
	MONICA: This has been like my dream since I got my first Easy Bake oven and opened Easy Monica's Bakery. RACHEL: What do you want me to do? MONICA: You just stay here. Wait by the phone, spray Lysol in my shoe, and wait for Ross to kill you. MONICA: What? Are you nuts? We've got George Stephanopoulos's pizza! MONICA: That's Mindy? RACHEL: Yeah. MONICA: Wow, she is pretty... RACHEL:(gives her an evil look) MONICA: lucky... RACHEL:(keeps glaring) MONICA: To have had a friend like you. MONICA: Oh, my Gosh! I just had sex with someone who wasn't alive during the bicentinial. MONICA: When I'm with her, I am so much more than that.....I'm Monana!
MONICA: Ben, you wait here, and Santa, the armadillo, and I, will have a conversation in the kitchen.....there's a sentence I never thought I'd say. MONICA:(to Chandler while she has a cold) Are you saying that you don't want to get with this? MONICA: (to Chandler) I saw what you were doing in Tulsa. Angry sharks turn you on. MONICA: I think we should save our China for something really special. Like, when the Queen of England comes over. PHOEBE: Well, it was the end of the party. You were probably ironing wrapping paper. MONICA: .....Oh, yeah.
	CHANDLER: Willpower? I've watched home movies of you eating ding dongs without taking the tin foil off. MONICA:(gasping)You said that was sexy! MONICA: Oh, my Gosh! I got her to stop crying! I have actual magical powers! MONICA:(to Chandler)Guys can fake it?! Unbelievable! The one thing that's ours! MONICA: Oh, I'm working on my toast for the party. Or, as I like to call it, Sobfest 2002. MONICA: Are you gonna break up with me if I get fat again? I mean, you broke up with her because she got fat again. How much weight could she have gained? CHANDLER: 100 pounds. MONICA: 100 pounds?! In one week?! What did she eat, her family?!.....That's not the point. RACHEL: Maybe because I saw him do a love scene the other day. MONICA: A love scene? With who? RACHEL: Olivia. MONICA: Olivia? I thought she was marrying Connor!.....Right, real life more important. MONICA: Hey, you guys wanna come and have dinner at the restaurant sometime? PHOEBE AND ROSS: Yeah! MONICA: Well you can't!
MONICA: This is not like learning to ride a horse, this is like learning to grow a turtle neck. MONICA:(to Chandler) And, honey, just so you know, now that you married me, you don't get to win anymore. CHANDLER: I really don't get to win anymore? MONICA: How much did you really win before? MONICA:(to Phoebe)Why didn't you make a copy and put it in a fireproof box and keep it at least a hundred yards away from the orginal?! MONICA: Limited seating, my ass. Let's see who made the cut? MONICA: You kinda' stole my thunder. CHANDLER: Honey, you're screaming. MONICA: You bet your ass I am!
	MONICA:(to Phoebe) I swear to you I have never bought anthing on TV before.....except for this mop. MONICA: We get to see Joey, plus we get to start our anniversery on the plane. We can call it our planeaversery. MONICA: I used to give [massages] to Rachel all the time, before she got allergic. MONICA: I have not been picked on this much since I was in kindergarten and they had to bring in someone from junior high to do the seesaw with me.
MONICA: It was breezy.....Oh, gosh what if it wasn't breezy? ROSS: Aunt Sylvia passed away. MONICA: Yes! Yes! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! PHOEBE: I'm sorry, but I always thought death was supposed to be sad....in a way.br> ROSS: Well, Aunt Sylvia was.....not a nice person. MONICA: Oh, she was a cruel, cranky old bitch.....and I'm sorry she died. Did she say if I get the dollhouse? ROSS: You get the dollhouse. MONICA: I get the dollhouse!
	ROSS: She told Monica she could play with the dollhouse if she lost 20 pounds. MONICA: Oh, yeah? Well look who's losin' weight now, Aunt Sylvia! MONICA:(looking at the dollhouse) Oh, my Gosh! hardwood floors! MONICA:(to an exhausted Phoebe)How are you doing? Huh? You doin' okay? PHOEBE: Yeah. MONICA: You know what? If Pete calls again and you don't put him through.....I will kill you. MONICA: I gotta go to work. Has anybody seen my left boob? MONICA: I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of plan? Jam!
MONICA: I actually used the phrase, "Humna, humna, humna." MONICA: I'll tell you what. I'll come get you in five minutes with some kind of, um, kabob emergency. CHANDLER:(in the first class lounge) Just act like you belong. MONICA: Right, right.....Oh, my Gosh, oranges!
	MONICA:(to the people kissing in front of them at the airport)Hi, can you do that and walk, because she said next. MONICA: Did you hear that? They bumped them up to first class just because they're on their honeymoon. Come on, let's act like we're on our honeymoon. CHANDLER: We are on our honeymoon. MONICA: That's right, I'm no longer a bride, I'll never be a bride again. Now, I'm just someone's wife. CHANDLER: And I'm the happiest guy in the world.
MONICA: Hurry up!(talking extraordinarily fast)The plane leaves in four hours, it could take time to get a taxi, there could be traffic, when we get to London there could be a line of customs, come on!! MONICA: What do you mean, we're all together right now. RACHEL: Uh, Mon, Chandler's not here. MONICA:(eyes get wide)Oh, dear God! RACHEL: I've got to tell you something. MONICA: Well, now's a good time....I was just on my way to have my ears cut off. MONICA: If it's gonna help bring the baby here, like today, I think you should do it. ROSS: It's sex. MONICA: Do it!! ROSS: Monica? MONICA: I'm just saying it's been a really long time for you(gestures to Rachel). I mean, women have needs, do it, get yours! All right, let's be practical, if Ross isn't willing to do it, he's not the only man you can use....You can borrow Chandler! Chandler is good! ROSS: Monica, what is the matter with you? MONICA: Nothing, I just really want the baby to be born today. RACHEL:Why? Why Today? MONICA: Okay, fine, I keep betting Phoebe that you're going to have the baby....and I don't wanna lose again! COUPLE: You can have the suite if you want, we don't care about where we stay. We're here to celebrate our love for each other. Not to get free stuff. We just want to be together. MONICA AND CHANDLER: We need the stuff! MONICA:(Trying to break the tension).....You know what? On the way over here, I saw this fat guy throw up.....and then a pigen ate it. MONICA: I guess I should've known, I mean, he kept making me watch 'Moulin Rouge'. MONICA: All right, you know what?! Now we really are late! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! MONICA: Oh, George, baby drop the towel.....drop the towel, drop the towel, drop the towel.....wow! MONICA: Six years is a long time, the end of an era, you might say. RACHEL: You know, Mon, I gotta say, I don't think six years counts as an era. MONICA: An era is defined as a significant amount of time, now it was significant for me, maybe it wasn't significant enough for you! RACHEL: Oh, Emma.....see I don't want it. MONICA: Take it RACHEL: Aw, but honey, you love that name MONICA: Yeah, but I love you more.....plus, nothing goes with Bing, so I'm screwed. MONICA: See, they're as different as night and.....later that night. FUN BOBBY: I think you may have a drinking problem MONICA: What, these? These are.....are for cuts and scrapes. MEGAN: You don't wanna fight me. MONICA: Maybe I do. I'm pretty fiesty! MONICA: Because you are pink with barely controled glee.

"Whenever I'm saying a line and the audience laughs, I just keep thinking, 'If you thought that was funny, wait 'till my next one!'"-Courteney Cox